An Excerpt from the song A Breath or Two from
Not Without Love by Jimmy Needham

Simply stated simple minded love for you
Has simply been completely complicated
And I’m finding
This daily drudgery is finally catching up to me
Its time for this abandon to make much of you
And less of me

I want to breathe in
I want to breathe in and out again

I’m tired of putting one foot in front of the other
I’m weary of where it leads me too
I’m tired of moving on from my father
Make me rest my head and take a breath or two

O for a slower pace
Moving at the speed of sound sounds like a race to me
O to be at ease
Moving at the speed of sound gets hard on the knees

I guess it’s time to re-focus…

So, here you go. Another lyric to set my mood. While this song was sung for her child, and it is a fantastic song for any parent to listen to, I like to twist this around and imagine God saying this to me. (If you can imagine the God of the universe bending down and saying this to you, and it doesn’t make you choke up… I don’t know what will.)

Plumb - In My Arms from the album Blink

Clouds will rage and
Storms will race in
But you will be safe
In my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash around
But you will be safe
In my arms

(As always, the best place to preview and purchase music is at Amazon’s MP3 store, since they don’t tie you down with crappy DRM.)

So, I’m back at the sound board mulling this over…. and had the following thought.

I want to be a cheek (doesn’t really matter which one…. ok, as long as it’s on the face). Not just a “normal” cheek. I want to be a cheek that is sore and wrinkled. Sore from smiling at people, and with a deep smile wrinkle right next the the corner of the mouth. Amazing how a body part that no one thinks of plays such a large role in showing kindness and joy to the rest of the world.

What part would you be?

Hope it touches you too. (Works best when repeated about 50 times in a row.)

From the album “Slow Revival” by Bryan Duncan

Lonely Tonight (click if you want to preview/buy the mp3 at Amazon)

Don’t belittle me, don’t be light
Hear me truly and hear me right
I know You love me and I know You care
I know You’re always there
But I’m lonely tonight

The sun has set in a misty grey
All the color has passed away
I watch the moon as it clears the wall
‘Life is good,’ I’m sayin’, ‘all in all,
But I’m lonely tonight’
Yeah, my faith is gonna see me through
You know I trust in You
But I’m lonely tonight

It’s not a simple need for company
I don’t know
where I belong in the world I see
and I’m lonely tonight

Rest assured in amazing grace
I’d feel safe in a safer place
It’s true I love You and my love is true
You know I’m thankful, too
But I’m lonely tonight
I can gather all the power to choose
And I can take it if I win or lose
But I’m lonely tonight
I’m lonely tonight

I don’t know
where I belong in the world I see
And I’m lonely tonight

A silhouette in a garden gate
A single prayer in a solemn state
A place for me I’m gonna recognize
Someday in paradise
‘Cause I’m lonely tonight

Oh, it’s not a simple need for company
I know now
that I don’t belong in this world I see
And I’m lonely tonight
Lonely tonight
Lonely
Lonely
Tonight

You know how the answer to “How are you doing” is “relative”… it just depends on what you are using as your base-line for comparison. Well, Donna always gives you how she’s doing as it relates to how she figures she should be expected to be feeling during this kind of treatment.

So, let’s see if I can give you some objective observations of Donna’s condition.

• This round of chemo ended around 3pm on Friday. As of Sunday evening, she couldn’t remember anything from when she got home until Sunday morning… and Sunday itself is sketchy.
• When you talk to her or ask her a question - even at times when she’s in the middle of a sentence - you sometimes get a blank stare… until her brain catches up with the conversation.
• She sometimes answers questions with something that’s completely unrelated.
• She acts like it’s hard to speak, her voice is weak
• Her walk would be best described as a slow shuffle
• She got nauseous just sitting down to get her head shaved
• She is very weak
• She loses her balance and gets dizzy easily
• She always needs an ice pack close by since her body overheats on a moments notice - no I don’t mean she gets a “hot flash”… she overheats… Sunday evening she had to literally hold onto an ice pack and lay flat on the bathroom tile floor to cool off.

She will begin to feel better starting Tuesday or Wednesday, and she’ll be able to start faking “I’m perfectly normal” until the next round… but each and every round of chemo hits harder and seems to stick around just a little longer… and leave more “residual” effects.

Now compare that with how she is “normally”… if that term can really be applied to her - and you now have translated “Donna-ese”. If you don’t know Donna personally, do the following… try to remember what your Grandmother was like when she was in her 50s, and then what she was like in her late 80s and 90s. That’s almost the difference between Donna before treatment started, and Donna after a round of chemo.

For you guys… look at your wife, and then try to imagine her aging to 95 in just a matter of days.

I have no problem dealing with her being like this… I was just expecting it to be 40-50 years from now and due to age, and I was expecting to be in the same state right there with her.

Just keep me where the light is
keep me where… where the light is
just keep me where the light is
oh just keep me where… oh just keep me where the light is
and if I should happen to confront the darkness
which I’m sure by now I will
let me have the power in me
to walk on through…. to hold it still
don’t… don’t let me fall from grace
just to feel the wind… the wind upon my face
teach me that the peace
is all a happy man will ever need
oh just keep me where… keep me where… keep me where the light is
oh where the light is
keep me where the light is
oh let me sing this prayer
- John Mayer

The last couple years the thought has changed to, “he’s blessed to have such a beautiful wife, I hope they never have to go through cancer”.

That’s just lame….

Now what to do with that nagging desire to hear “Snowbird” again… must… resist….